Father's Day Jokes to make him groan or grin!

Love them or hate them, there’s no denying the chuckle-filled and groan-inducing allure of dad jokes. They sneak into school drop-offs, family speeches and every moment in between. They’re the kind of jokes that make you laugh, then immediately question your life choices, and they’re passed down like lawnmowers and awkward hugs. So, buckle up for a cringey, pun-packed jaunt through our finest and funniest Father’s Day jokes. Let the eye-rolling begin!

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Best Dad Jokes for Father’s Day 

So good they’re bad, so bad they’re brilliant.

1. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
2. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.
3. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
4. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
5. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
6. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
7. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
9. What did the vet say to the cat? How are you feline?
10. I got a new pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too.
11. Want to hear a construction joke? Oh... never mind, I’m still working on it.
12. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
13. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
14. I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
15. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
16. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
17. What's E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
18. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? So-fish-ticated. 
     

Cheesy and Groan-Worthy Jokes

For the legend who laughs hardest at his own jokes.

1. I’d tell you a joke about pizza... but it’s a little cheesy.
2. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
3. I bought some new shoes with memory foam… now they won’t stop bringing up embarrassing moments from high school.
4. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.
5. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
6. I couldn’t figure out why the football kept getting bigger... then it hit me.
7. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
8. What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
9. I gave all my dead batteries away. Free of charge.
10. You know what the loudest pet is? A trum-pet.
11. Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced? It had grater plans.
12. I asked my dad if he got a haircut. He said, "No, I got them all cut."
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
14. Have you heard the rumour about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
15. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
16. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tyred.
17. What do you call Smarties® that studied too hard? Smartie pants.
18. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite. 

Funny Dad Jokes for Father’s Day

For the knee-slapping LOL dads with the best Father’s Day jokes.  

1. Why did dad bring extra socks to the golf course? In case he got a hole in one.
2. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody nose.
3. What do you call it when dad gets to nap, snack, and sit in silence? A successful Father’s Day.
4. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
5. Why did Dad bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
6. I named my dog "Five Miles" so I can say I walk Five Miles every day.
7. Why don’t dads trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
8. What do you call a magician who loses his magic? Ian.
9. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
10. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
11. I'm friends with all electricians. We have good connections.
12. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once.
13. I got a reversible jacket for Father’s Day. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
14. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
15. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
16. I used to be a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough.
17. Would you like to hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable...
18. What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
19. Did you hear the joke about the about the KitKat®? I had to have a break after hearing it.

Knock-Knock Jokes for Dad 

Classic, cringey and completely Dad-approved. 

1. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Lettuce. 
   Lettuce who? 
   Lettuce in, it’s cold out here! 
    
2. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Olive. 
   Olive who? 
   Olive you, dad! 
    
3. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Tank. 
   Tank who? 
   You’re welcome. 
    
4. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Boo. 
   Boo who? 
   Don’t cry, it’s just a joke! 
    
5. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Ice cream. 
   Ice cream who? 
   Ice cream every time I see you! 
    
6. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Bean. 
   Bean who? 
   Bean thinking about you, dad! 
    
7. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Peas. 
   Peas who? 
   Peas give me another Green Triangle! 
    
8. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Canoe. 
   Canoe who? 
   Canoe help me with the washing up? 
    
9. Knock knock. 
   Who's there? 
   Doughnut. 
   Doughnut who? 
   Doughnut forget how awesome you are!

10. Knock knock. 
    Who's there? 
    Yoda. 
    Yoda who? 
    Yo’ dad’s the best!

     

11. Knock knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Harry. 
    Harry who? 
    Harry up and open the Quality Street®!

     

12. Knock knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Butter. 
    Butter who? 
    Butter get ready... Dad’s cracking jokes again!

     

13. Knock knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Howard. 
    Howard who? 
    Howard you like to hear another joke?

     

14. Knock knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Chip. 
    Chip who? 
    Chip off the old block, just like dad!

     

15. Knock, knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    A little old lady. 
    A little old lady who? 
    Hey, I didn’t know you could yodel!
16. Knock, knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Radio. 
    Radio who? 
    > Radio not, here I come!

17. Knock, knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Hatch. 
    Hatch who? 
    Bless you!

     

18. Knock, knock. 
    Who's there? 
    Shirley. 
    Shirley who? 
    Shirley you must know who I am by now!

     

19. Knock, knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Cash. 
    Cash who? 
    No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts.

     

20. Knock knock. 
    Who’s there? 
    Orange. 
    Orange who? 
    Orange you curious to learn more about Quality Street®? Read our Ultimate Guide to Quality Street® Flavours!
     

Naughty Dad Jokes (Cheeky but Light) 

PG-13 material chuckles for the edgy dads.

1. My partner says I never listen... or something like that.
2. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
3. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
4. Someone said I have a "dad bod." I said, thanks, it’s a father figure.
5. They say that life is like a box of chocolates. It’s mostly filled with nuts, though.
6. A man just stole my milk, butter and cheese. How dairy?
7. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now.
8. Q: How does Darth Vader like his toast? A: On the dark side!
9. RIP, boiling water. You will be mist. 

Short Jokes for Cards and Texts 

1. You’re my hero, even if your jokes are zero.
2. Love you more than you love falling asleep in front of the telly.
3. Thanks for all the lifts. And the life lessons.
4. You’re one of a kind... and that’s probably for the best.
5. You’re nacho average dad.
6. You’ve always been there for me... like Wi-Fi.
7. I inherited your sense of humour. Sorry, world.
8. Here’s your annual thank you card. Don’t lose it.
9. I moustache you a question… will you accept this card?

Need more inspo for dad? Read our What to Write in a Father’s Day Card article. 

Jokes for a Father’s Day Toast 

Raise a glass and make 'em laugh!

1. To Dad: the man, the myth, the legend... of falling asleep mid-movie.
2. Let’s toast to Dad, provider of bad jokes and even worse dance moves.
3. Cheers to the man who taught me everything I know... except how to fix things.
4. To the only guy who can mow the lawn, burn the barbecue and blame the dog at the same time.
5. Here's to the one who always said, "Ask your Mum."
6. Dad, may your naps be long, your socks always match and your Quality Street® tin be ever full.
7. You’ve earned every grey hair, and we’re the reason why. Sorry!
8. You taught me how to drive, how to barbecue... and how to dodge responsibility.
9. To the dad who can fix anything... except the group chat settings.
10. Here’s to the man who gives and gives... advice. Whether we ask for it or not.
11. To Dad, he may not have all the answers, but he has a strong opinion on all of them.
12. Let’s toast to the guy who’s always right... even when he’s definitely, definitely wrong.
13. Here’s to Dad! Proof that you don’t need instructions to build a shelf, just confidence and a place to store the leftover screws.
14. Cheers to the man who still thinks TikTok is the sound a clock makes.
15. Here’s to the man who still thinks Bluetooth is a dental issue. 
     

Why Dad Jokes Work So Well 

Dad jokes for Father’s Day just feel right. They carry their own special brand of comedy and they’re punny, pun-ishing and proudly predictable. So, roll your eyes if you must, but that’s what makes them so darn charming! They bring families together with an audible groan and they remind us not to take life too seriously. So have fun, make a pun and let dad go wild this Father’s Day!  
 

Conclusion

As a wise man once said, with great pun-power comes great responsibility so use your pun finger pistols for good this Father’s Day. Write jokes on the fridge, make dad a joke stash out of a Quality Street® tin and spam your family messaging group, because a great dad joke is the gift that keeps on giving! For more fun, flavours and family-friendly ideas, sign up for our newsletter.